According to Wikipedia's article on wedgies a Melvin is a variant [of the wedgie] where the victim's underwear is pulled up from the front, to cause injury to the victim's genitals. Though as a child I understood that the term was equivalent to wedgie and I believe many of my peers understood the same, so the story that is about to follow may refer to either the traditional wedgie, or the definition I cited.

When I was in 7th grade there was a girl in my math class. I'm sure I thought she was pretty hot at the time. Her name was something like Brandi or Bethany, I remember it started with a 'B'. I could probably dig out my Middle School yearbook to find out for sure, but I'm not too worried about her exact name. She was a year ahead of me in school. Well, as I recall, class hadn't started yet, and the students were catching up on their homework, or otherwise wasting time. I was doodling in my notebook when I heard this girl announce, "I've got a Melvin!" She said it innocently, almost casually (but there was still some resolve in her voice, that's why I have the exclamation mark). She sounded curious, as if she was a child discovering something for the first time. She didn't sound embarrassed or shamed. I glanced in her direction, she was to my left, and the desks were arranged in a semicircle, so she was facing me. She shifted in her seat and adjusted her jeans to undo the Melvin.

I thought a lot about this. First of all, I thought it was funny. I'd heard the term Melvin before, but something about the way she announced it was absolutely hilarious. More importantly I thought about how unembarrassed she behaved concerning the situation. Admittedly, whenever my underwear bunched up, I adjusted it as slyly as possible. I wouldn't have dreamed of confessing to an entire class the discomfort that I was feeling. I admire this girl's utter lack of shame. I mean seriously, there's no reason to feel shame when a wedgie or Melvin occurs naturally. Underwear bunches up sometimes. And yet I would have been ashamed at the time.

I did get a wedgie one time. Not by accident either, it was done to me. I didn't even know what a wedgie was at the time, and I didn't understand why the perpetrator grabbed my underwear the way he did.

It was during my elementary school days. The South family had taken me and my brother to go rafting with them. And while we were driving to the reservoir one of their sons, Jeremy or Jason, decided to grab my underwear and pull. Looking back, I can't help but think that if I had been like the girl I spoke of, I would have just told Mr. South to stop the car, so I could get out and adjust my underwear, then I'd deck that kid as hard as I could. Sure he could have given me the beating of a lifetime, he was at least three years older than me, but I think I could have gotten one punch in, and at least I would have stood up to him. Instead, I quietly struggled to adjust my underwear while buckled in, and I never said anything. Ah, the regrets of childhood.

I don't understand shame. I really don't. Yet I feel it sometimes. As people, we're ashamed of a lot of things that we probably don't need to be ashamed of. Especially things that we don't do on purpose, or things that happen to us. I guess it's part of the human condition to feel shame, or maybe it's part of the way we're raised. I try not to be ashamed of anything anymore. I try to be open about all my experiences and mistakes, but even I have to confess that there are some things, not even very bad things, things that could have happened to anyone, that I will take with me to the grave.

Back in the mid to late 90s conspiracy theories had a moment of popularity. Art Bell had the latest and greatest news. A movie called Conspiracy Theory was released. Along with the hype, Fox was regularly putting out TV specials about conspiracy theories. You may recall the TV show claiming that the Apollo moon landing was fake, and don't forget Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction, where you could actually watch scientists cut open an alien. Those were the days when crop circles showed up every day and cows were having their genitalia's surgically removed with laser precision.

Among all these TV specials, I have always remembered one that I saw in 1994. It was about the usual conspiracy speculations. It was pretty boring, and it was even worse than other shows of this type. I say that because I didn't understand what the interviews were about. To this day I'll probably never really know what that particular show was supposed to be getting at, but what I do remember from it has stuck with me to this day. In one of the interviews a conspiracy theory nuts said, and I quote, "In 1996 people will be wearing t-shirts that say, I Survived 1995."

As a preteen I never forgot what that guy said. And admittedly I lived through 1995 wondering if the end was coming. Okay, I wasn't constantly thinking about what this guy had said, but from time to time during 1995 I would think about what I heard, and wonder if there really would be some kind of disaster. I don't know what, exactly, I expected to happen. Like I said, I didn't really understand what the show was about, so I wasn't sure what the kind of disaster this guy expected to come. I tend to think that what I thought would happen was war, and not a foreign war. No, I was expecting there to be a war fought on U.S. soil. Of course that didn't happen in 1995.

You know what though? I do have a memory from 1995. It was something I saw on the news, and oddly enough, it was something else that I didn't understand. The release of Windows 95. I didn't know anything about computers at the time. My family didn't have one. The only computers I'd used were an Apple IIe and some Mac OS computers (though I didn't know what Mac OS was). I didn't even know what Microsoft was. Well, on the news there was an announcement that Windows 95 was being released at midnight, and there would be people waiting in line to buy it as soon as it came out. It was reported as a really big deal. I was confused out of my mind. I had no idea what Windows was or why this new version was so special, but I remember that news report.

I don't know why I mention the release of Windows 95, I guess it's because it was the most noteworthy news story that I remember watching in 1995, and it was not the life destroying tragedy or disaster that I was expecting because of what I had heard some nut say. (Though some might argue that it was.)

I searched for the phrase I survived 1995. Only two pages of results showed up on Google. Two. And no references to this TV show I'd seen either. I'd like to see the show again, to find out what the guy was actually talking about. Now that I'm an adult, I think that what the guy had to say might actually make some sense. Not intellectual sense, as I'm sure he was a nut, but it would at least be somewhat coherent, and he might at least have some unfounded reasoning for his claim.

Needless to say, I survived 1995, but I'm not wearing a t-shirt boasting about it. I don't think anyone else is either.

I've been looking forward to StarCraft II for a long time. A very long time. I was disappointed back in 2002 when Blizzard released WarCraft III. I would have much rather had another StarCraft game. In general I'm much more interested in science fiction than fantasy. Interestingly enough, I don't actually like strategy games, but there is something about StarCraft that has always appealed to me.

The mission briefings on the command ship will
offer a whole new dimension of storytelling.

In preparation for StarCraft II's release on July 27, I just replayed the single player missions of the original game. Talk about a pain in the butt. The game was still fun, but the single player was really lacking. There really wasn't much of a story in the game. Well, there was a story, but it was only told in the mission briefings. The missions themselves were mostly generic destroy-the-enemy-base type missions, with only a few exceptions, and it didn't have the in-mission storytelling that WarCraft III has. WarCraft III, however, proved that Blizzard knows how to tell a story in a single player RTS. This makes me look forward to StarCraft II all the more, because I know that this time around we are going to get story throughout the missions, not to mention that briefings are going to be totally different, allowing the player to walk around the command ship and talk (or not talk to) various advisers and friends.

I mention the story telling aspects of the game, because that is what I'm looking forward to most. I've waited twelve years to find out Kerrigan's and Raynor's fates. The first game ended with the Zerg winning. Blizzard seems to have a history of the bad guys winning. (WarCraft III ended with the Undead winning, though it is my understanding that that plot was continued in World of WarCraft.) Now I'm not one to say that the bad guys shouldn't win, they probably do in real life, but I think I'm in agreement with a lot of people, that the Zerg shouldn't win. They're a parasite, and no one likes parasites (except possibly those parasites that are in symbiosis with our bodies).

Anyone that has heard anything about StarCraft II knows that it is going to be released as three games. One game for each of the Terran, Zerg, and Protoss campaigns. In July we are getting the Terran campaign Wings of Liberty (though I understand that we will get a few Protoss missions in this campaign). This doesn't bother me at all, as long as Blizzard delivers. Blizzard has said that each of these campaigns will be the size of a full game. Wings of Liberty is supposed to have around thirty missions, which is the size of the original game, so I cannot complain about the model that Blizzard is using to release the games, except, of course, that it's going to be another three or four years before I find out the ending to the story.

The reason I stated that the single player is what interests me in this game, is because I know how multiplayer is going to be. I've played the beta, and I've played the original game, and StarCraft II is going to be no different than any other Blizzard RTS, unless you are willing to put in hours and hours into this game, you will get killed. Frankly, I don't have the time to play games that much. Hell, I don't want to put that much time into any one game. I'd rather play a different game. Multiplayer wouldn't be fun at all for me. Getting killed before you know what is going on just isn't fun.

Multiplayer is going to be murder.

That's how StarCraft II is going to be. People are going to like the game, but they're going to find that they are getting murdered in multiplayer. Blizzard boasts that they have a new matchmaking system that should put players together where they can actually compete, but they said the same thing about WarCraft III, and I know from experience that that was a lie. No, you will only get competitive if you are willing to play this game for hours a day, every day, and you'll have to study the replays too. That's hardcore stuff. I'm sorry, but that is a waste of time in my opinion. A game should be fun, not a chore. Maybe for some people it's worth it to put that much time into a game, maybe it makes them feel like a champion. Maybe that would be the case for me if I cared, but I don't care, and I'll never find out.

Now, it is likely that StarCraft II will have some good multiplayer mods. WarCraft III did, and Blizzard is saying that the toolset for developing mods is even better. I won't be playing multiplayer mods either, because in my experience, even the most fun multiplayer games are still a waste of time. I've never liked multiplayer games, mostly because there is no story in them. I think video games are a good medium for storytelling, but storytelling has never worked very well in multiplayer. (Left 4 Dead is getting close to being the exception.) It is my understanding that even the MMOs don't have much of a story.

Well, I think I've gone on enough about the multiplayer, I obviously won't be putting much time into it. Maybe I'll play a few matches, just so I can get myself frustrated and prove to myself my point. That's why I didn't play much of the beta, too frustrating. I'm interested in the story though. That's why I'm getting the game, that's why I'll be getting all three games. I certainly hope the game is good in that regard. I don't expect to be disappointed.

Earlier this week we had a lot of rain in the town where I live, and it got me to thinking about that particular type of weather. Rain has got to be my favorite type of weather. I absolutely love it.

As a child, one of the funnest things about rain was that it would fill up the gutters. I remember putting popsicle sticks in the gutter and watching them float down the edge of the street until they'd finally disappear down one of the sewer drains. I bet there are a lot of popsicle sticks in the sewers.

I remember one time when I was maybe thirteen or fourteen I was walking to a boyscout activity with a friend of mine, and it happened to start raining on us. Well I told my friend how I really liked rain a lot, and how it made me feel good. He went on to say that he had heard that, scientifically speaking, when rain is falling it increases the static electric reaction in the air, and maybe that is why I felt more energy in the rain. Certainly this would explain why lightning is common in rainstorms, but as for me feeling good and having more energy, I could care less if there was a scientific explanation for this, and I told my friend this. He subsequently dropped the subject and simply enjoyed the rain along with me.

Even now, as an adult, when it rains I want to run out into the street and get soaked. I usually restrain myself, however. I suppose I don't want to look insane, but the desire is there. Part of the reason I love back-country backpacking is because it rains almost every day in the mountains. Rain is usually gentle, but even the most violent rainstorms have a certain amount of peace to them. I love the sound of rain falling onto different surfaces. That's where the real peace comes from.

I remember another time as a teenager when it was raining. I went into the backyard and was just playing around in the rain. Perhaps in a manner more childish than my age would have warranted, and another friend of mine came over, and he said we should do a rain dance, and so we danced in the rain. Yes, storms are some of the funnest weather.

Naturally, lightning comes with rain, and lightning is exciting. Lightning is a rush. Lightning is energetic. Lightning is even scary at times. Certainly I'd be afraid to stand out in the middle of a field during a lightning storm, but maybe I'd do it. Just for fun. Just to see what would happen. Just to run as fast as I could through the field. Just to feel like I'm on the edge. I've never done this, though, too afraid I guess.

I've had bad experiences in the rain. On more that one occasion I have made motorcycle trips of more than a hundred miles in the rain. Some bikers don't like to ride in the rain at all. I can't blame them. On one of these rides, by the time I got to my destination, my hands were shaking so bad that I could barely use the clutch lever. It wasn't necessarily a good experience, but looking back on it, it was kind of fun. Sure I was scared at the time, but that was part of the fun. Even bad experiences in the rain are good.

I've had funny experiences in the rain as well. A friend of mine and I had some errands to run, and as we were about to leave it looked as if it was going to rain. My friend said, "Looks like we're going to have some immaculate weather." I was confused. My friend saw my confusion and corrected himself, "I mean inclimate weather." That sounded better, but still I thought to myself, maybe there is something immaculate about rain. There certainly isn't anything wrong with it, and it was certainly funny that he had made that slip of words.

I don't know why people complain when it rains. I don't hear a lot of complaints, but I hear them from time to time. Sure, rain has ruined some of my favorite jackets, and sometimes it does limit what I can do, but I can't complain about it. I love it too much. I currently live in the desert where it doesn't rain that much, and so really the only thing I can complain about is that it doesn't rain often enough.

First off, let me say that the Double Down Sandwich from KFC has got to be one of the biggest jokes to have ever existed. You might have seen the commercial for it. In the commercial there are some guys talking about a standard chicken sandwich, complaining that "it takes two to fill [you] up". Okay, sure, sometimes this is true. You do need two sandwiches, but KFC's answer to this was not to add more chicken, it was to replace the bread with chicken. The Double Down is a cheese and bacon sandwich, with the bread replaced with chicken breasts.

I had heard about this sandwich on talk radio before I saw the commercial, and to be honest, just hearing about it, made me want to try one. It sounded good to me. It didn't necessarily sound like a good idea, but it did sound good. I had to have one. So I looked up the sandwich on the internet, and watched the aforementioned commercial. I was still interested in the sandwich. I talked to some friends of mine who wanted to try the sandwich as well.

The three of us went to KFC. Two of us ordered our Double Downs. My other friend didn't want to try it, it sounded too unhealthy to him. I on the other hand, was very excited to get it. So excited, in fact, that when I got up to get my order I bumped into a waitress and accidentally felt her up. Well, like all famed sandwiches of legend, it isn't simply wrapped up in paper, it comes in a box, and it was a big box. I was excited. So after the embarrassment with the waitress I took the sandwich to my table. My friends joked about the waitress, and with a good chuckle I opened the box.

It may look like a lot of meat,
but get ready for disappointment.
(This photo was taken by a professional.)

I was disappointed right away. The thing was so small. It was maybe two and a half inches long and the whole thing was smaller that my fist. It was going to take maybe two bites to down it. (Hence the name Double Down, I guess.) It would have easily taken two of these to fill me up, maybe three. I don't know if they are this small in every restaurant. I even know that commercials make everything look bigger, but I didn't expect it to be that small. The price-tag on it warranted much more sandwich than what I got.

Feeling disappointed, I ate. The experience was already ruined for me because of how small it was. I had no more excitement. I felt empty inside. Sure it tasted okay. Not particularly great, just your standard KFC taste, with a cheese that wasn't particularly appetizing, and bacon. Frankly, bacon doesn't even go with chicken. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't that good either. I still felt empty when I was done eating.

Admittedly, I got it for the novelty. I had to be able to say I tried it. I knew I'd have only one. I don't frequent KFC, maybe once a year at most, and KFC got me. This experience was my once a year. Last time I went to KFC was for the free chicken that Oprah sponsored. So I acknowledge that this gimmick of a sandwich worked to get me in there, but I ordered only the sandwich, no sides or anything, so they didn't get me that bad. I had to eat more food when I got home to really get filled up, though.

Would I recommend the sandwich? Sure, it wasn't that bad, it was even kind of fun to know I was eating a sandwich where the bread was chicken, but honestly, as I've said, it's a gimmick. This is not a sandwich you are going to go out of your way to eat. A sandwich needs bread, and other fast food chicken sandwiches are cheaper, and will fill you up more.